Here's some of that rambling I promised

As I stumble who will stand by and watch me fall only to walk away? As I stumble and fall who will be there to restore me? Only time will tell. Many like to point fingers and talk about you to others, few will actually care enough to come and ask. Judgment is in full supply but what about forgiveness, mercy and grace? The things Christians claim to want from you is not what you get from them, or is it? I am one of them, do I give what I expect from others? This is the real me, shell removed, open and exposed, will you wound or restore? Is this who you expected? I don't normally let you in but here I am extending the invitation. I love you so much it hurts, I don't really know how to properly show it. Many call me harsh, hard, cold, uncaring, that I don't show compassion but they really don't know me, my heart, the sad thing is that they don't really want to know because if they did they would come and ask why I am the way I am. I lay myself open to the world, here I am. Will you open your heart to me? Be who you claim to be? My flesh is in the throws of death, I battle it everyday, it doesn't want to die, but die it must. I am my own worst enemy. The Holy Spirit calls to me, reasons with me, testifies to me, here I am, humble and broken as I face myself. Hmm, humble and broken, I should feel better than this but this walk isn't about feelings, its about my sin and forgiveness that only found in Christ. I can learn from you if you really care about teaching me, will you listen and learn from me, Christ has given me so much to give away and has much to give me through you. ramble on.......